I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
