I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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