I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
