I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
