he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
