pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
