You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So vagazzling was a success
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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