Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
