I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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