I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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