And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
