The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
