Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
