I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
