Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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