And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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