there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
