I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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