you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
