She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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