If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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