Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
