I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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