HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize