and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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