I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
