Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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