Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Every concussion has its silver lining
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Randomize
