I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
