Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dignity is for republicans.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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