funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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