he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
