So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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