So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize