ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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