Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
