It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
