YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
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