I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize