No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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