my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
