Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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