Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
that is very illegal...i love you.
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