He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
