I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She's the barista slut.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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