I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You are a genius and a whore.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
