her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
