If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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