barbara walters just said penis...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
