I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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