some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
