Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
