I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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