I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize