I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
