Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
sarcasm needs its own font
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
