i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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