In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I cockslap morals
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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