i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
