Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
