I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
birth control should be required to get into college
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
