she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Terrible idea I love it
I currently don't understand fingers.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
