me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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