Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
