Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
