Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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