You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
