she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
