DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
