I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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