Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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