No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
