yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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